It has been a long time I didn’t update the blog, sorry about that… I’ve seen a incredible amount of google search leading to my blog with the keywords “Fasting” and “Spiritual Fasting” I now feel in debt to all these people searching answer to their question in a similar way for not having updated the blog since day 5.
I broke my fast on day 10, not because I felt something was wrong, not by hunger, I did a choice which lead me to a dinner, I have no regrets, on the contrary, I am glad I did that choice.
Elena, my baby’s mum, was in Barcelona in holidays for a few days, the universe being kind and lovely also led my track to Barcelona in the very same period. We met in Barcelona, we felt in Love in Barcelona, we had our baby in Barcelona, I will always carry Barcelona in my heart, it is the city where my Soul woke me up, the city where I met not only the woman I love but the brothers and sister that I love, with all my Soul.
Within them too much are gone but this period shown my conditional Love the (long) way to be unconditional, this period changed the grief of Death into the celebration of reincarnation, this period introduced a sheep of capitalism to the universe and it’s eternal wisdom showing the sheep the way to become the wise revolutionary I wish to be one day, this period made me a dad, this period linked me for lifetime to the woman I love.
We, Elena and I, used to love to go to a restaurant, it was our kinda special one, a really nice Japanese (in my top3 restaurant ever :P), knowing she was in town, I invited her to go to that place, hoping she would accept, since I left Italy in November we merely had no contact, but I missed her so much, I wanted so badly to see her, just the pleasure to talk to her, to tell her how sorry I was, I had a lot say. She accepted. Fuck the fast, fuck the spirituality and the universe, I’ll start over. Don’t be shocked with the “fuck the universe” my God has no ego, he knows humour and how much I love her/it/him :).
The universe told me once that loving unconditionally you can’t be offended, make sense to me.
We went to the restaurant, we talked, laughed, smiled, it was a very intense evening to me, emotionally speaking.
Sometimes you don’t find the accurate or precise words to share and experience, you feel like you need to create new words, this evening was of this kind of experience. I told her that she was the one I love she told me to move on, but I explained her that moving on does’nt have any sense for me, I don’t want to, my love for her and our daughter is the main source of energy, and God knows how much energy I am consuming every minutes since august… I told her she can live her life, but I’ll always be there standing by for her, as the father of my baby,as a friend or as a husband if someday she felt like I deserve to be at her side again, with her trust and love.
At the same time giving her a small paperbox with a 3euros “chinese-plastic-bling-bling-ring” inside, this is how homeless asks a lady’s hands, but I know this woman is way over that even if some may again be shocked, and this one of the thousand reasons of why I love her.
The same night I moved to Madrid by bus, the day after I moved to France for 2 weeks. So I broke my fast, I’ll start over, when ? After my baby’s birthday in march. I already missed her first birthday, no way I miss the second one.
Sorry again for being without posting that long, I had internet access but a lot to think about…