End of a dream

I spent a 10 days with my wonderful little girl, it was magical, I truly was in a dreaming state. After 8 months without seeing her it has been an emotionnal shock, so far I used to say that I never had the pleasure to meet a true master.
Nashira, my wonderful daughter, you have remind me so much, so many lessons I ve learnt from you, your pure innocence and the exctasy of the unconditional love are from the greatest teachings and experiences I had in my life.

It was hard to leave you, very hard, I truly felt my heart splitting apart, my mind and body wanted to stay with you, it was too magical to give it up, I felt the sadness and loneliness coming from my heart, creating my thoughts, I cried a lot and it felt good (Until it remind me how headhache and crying for sadness was related) but I accepted it, it was and still is my choice, when I am spending my time in trying to change the things of our world, I feel like it is the most meaningfull act I can experience in my life, but being with you, I knew that it was the most pleasant thing I could experience.
I miss you so much, so so so much, from now on, whatever happens to me, I will always carry these beautiful memories that I have tatooed on my Soul.
See you soon my love, very soon …

Your innocence is a teaching by it’s essence,

Your blind trust in a context in which people fears their own brothers ,
Your way to love unconditionally in a world on the edge to celebrate their values and demonstrate their love in the condition of materialism,
You are the perfect image of pure awereness in a world of walking and consuming bodies,
You are a being full of curiosity and wander in a world full of fears answering every question with violence,
Your total self-acceptance in a world in which people go to surgery to redefine and accept who they are,
Your instinctive knowingness in world who only can believe what it sees and only understand what it can explain,

You are a model, I love you.

The way you have to call the moon as if it was your life-time friend, you don’t even wonder if it’s alive, you just know it, may be you even feel it,

You do not yet have the social barriers that will cut the sight from this pure and instinctive knowledge, you have yet no ego, one day you will loose a part of this, it’s the process of each of us, to gain individuality we must create and feed an ego (Then one day you might realize it only is a jail to your inner wisdom and power).

The feeling of the experience of oneness, I can feel that the same source is embedded inside us, the same energy drives us, one day I’ve read ” If you can not find God in a flower, in a rainbow or in another being, you wont find it in a religious book

I did understood the concept, but merely have the experience in my lifetime, surely not enough to convert the concept and experience in knowledge, I could never be grateful enough for this time of growing and loving, I found God into your eyes.

You remind me who I was, a cell in the cosmic body, linked to all other cells by the magic of our subjective individualilty of the eternal soul.

Thanks for the knowledge my love, a poem from Rabindranath Tagore, Love you.

The Beginning – Rabindranath Tagore

Where have I come from, where did you pick me up?” the baby asked its mother.
She answered, half crying, half laughing, and clasping the
baby to her breast

“You were hidden in my heart as its desire, my darling.
You were in the dolls of my childhood’s games; and when with
clay I made the image of my god every morning, I made the unmade you then.
You were enshrined with our household deity, in his worship I worshipped you.
In all my hopes and my loves, in my life, in the life of my mother you have lived.
In the lap of the deathless Spirit who rules our home you have been nursed for ages.
When in girlhood my heart was opening its petals, you hovered as a fragrance about it.
Your tender softness bloomed in my youthful limbs, like a glow in the sky before the sunrise.
Heaven’s first darling, twain-born with the morning light, you have floated down the stream of the world’s life, and at last you have stranded on my heart.
As I gaze on your face, mystery overwhelms me; you who belong to all have become mine.
For fear of losing you I hold you tight to my breast.
What magic has snared the world’s treasure in these slender arms of mine?”

Rabindranath Tagore

1 thought on “End of a dream


    This is how it all started. I wanted to write it down so that one day, when you’ll be old enough, you will be able to read it as many times as you wish and to avoid that this beautiful memory would be lost once I will not be with you anymore. You really came from a star and you could have not been given a more appropriate name. It was a beautiful night of May when suddenly a saw a falling star. Despite my age at that time, I wished to be united for life to the man I once loved so much and I was careful not to disclose this wish with no one because, as they say, it may not become true if revealed. Since that day I constantly thought about you, even if I did not know who you would be. I did not have to wait long. In fact, a couple of months later I found out you existed and you were slowly growing inside me. I was so excited that I could not sleep for over a week. The following months were not easy. I took the decision to give birth at home because I wanted to share with you that magic moment and I was left alone in this. Well, not really alone as you standed with me all this time. I cried so much during my pregnancy and talked to you a lot, trying to make you understand that it was not because of you if I was sad. Nashira, you are indeed the result of the biggest love I experienced in my life and when I finally saw you I could not believe how beautiful you were. I believe the universe sent you to me, I believed that the universe answered to my deepest desire..

    Now all this only to make sure the truth can come out eventually as with Julien is always quite tricky. You know how to use words and make poems, but love is not made with words, love is built by your everyday actions.

    I believe that if I did not discover what I did, I would be in this post as well as your life partner, as you always said but, thanks to the universe I got to know the truth behind your lies. You can tell the whole world how much you love your daughter but this will not change your actions and I am grateful of this. I want to remain a lady in this post and will not disclose actions regarding your love towards your little daughter, things that would probably make few followers of this blog think a bit more.

    Most probably this post will be deleted as it does not match the evolution of your spirit but I don’t care. At least I expressed my thoughts.

    My rage is slowly fading away and what makes me happy is that I believe that what we give we receive. So, look into your heart, leave the poems and the words for once and think about your actions towards the people you said you love so much.

    Yes my heart was torn apart, again, but this time I will stand back up because I know what I am worth and I know even our little angel deserves better than this.

    P.S. don’t worry I will cancel myself from the followers so I will not be able to ruin your blog with my comments or insights but this one I could not leave it this way. I am the one taking care of Nashira and I am the one who will protect her from any harm your lies may cause.

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